Worst Christmas Singer?

Yes, it's that time of year again. Deluged everywhere we turn by awful Christmas music, especially awful singing, we ask, who's the absolute worst?

There are many candidates. For instance, Willie Nelson should be allowed nowhere near a Christmas song. But for my money no one destroys so many Christmas songs as does Zooey Deschanel with her terribly weak, limited, straining, amplified voice. I could stand at a shopping mall and choose six people at random, and at minimum four of them would be able to sing better than Zooey Deschanel can. It's a shame, because there are many excellent singers out there, with actual voices, but who gets played at coffeeshops and shopping malls? Zooey! Talent means nothing. What a society.

It proves that Melissa Bluebird is real.

Is Melissa Bluebird Zooey Deschanel?

IS ZOOEY DESCHANEL MELISSA BLUEBIRD?

You would think so if you heard "Rave On," the Starbucks compilation of Buddy Holly covers. Listen to "Oh Boy!" by She and Him, which features Zooey Deschanel on vocals. That's Melissa Bluebird, that voice, right there. Then, for contrast, listen to "Heartbeat" by the Detroit Cobras on the same cd, vocals by Rachel Nagy. The two songs encapsulate my theme. While Zooey may not have been my original model, she shows the relevance of the character.

"Bluebird" is part of Mood Detroit, available on e-book.