Conservative Talk Radio: Current Rankings

1.) SEAN HANNITY. Will soon leave his wife for Janene Garafalo.

2.) RUSH LIMBAUGH. Satirist originator of the movement seems moderate compared to others.

3.) BILL BENNETT. Lazy arrogance fits early morning mood. Truckdriver callers make the show.

4.) MICHAEL SAVAGE. Wacked-out and rude, but like many crazy people is entertaining and human.

5.) DENNIS PRAGER. Stiff pomposity masquerading as arrogance.

6.) LAURA INGRAHAM. Nasally phony-populist is an Ivy League skank.

7.) HUGH HEWITT. Political hack who sounds like a boy scout on crack defines one-dimensional partisanship, as do his guests.

8.) MIKE GALLAGHER. Limbaugh clone shows the bizarre results which ensue when you create sheep or radio hosts in a test tube.

9.) MICHAEL MEDVED. No satire, no humor, only feeble hysteria.

10.) BILL O'REILLY. Phony know-it-all said he'd never cave in to extortion, then did. "Bill O'Reilly for Kids": That's scary!