Monday, October 24, 2011

"Oppressed Writers Incorporated"


RUMOR HAS IT that organizers of Occupy Writers, that radical place of upscale protest, are ready to take their activism to the next level. Which means, of course, non-profit status to rake in contributions from rich people.

In order to appeal to those rich donors, they'll need to put their most successful and genteel writers out front-- exactly the way they did from the start. Do it, as well, with a sympathetic twist. Ergo, the name change to Oppressed Writers Incorporated.

Here's a quick look at their stellar line-up, with credentials for Oppressed Writer status listed:

Francine Prose
Insider recipient of just about every possible establishment position and prize.

Daniel Handler aka Lemony Snicket
Possibly the richest writer in America.

Chad Harbach
Received $665,000 advance from Rupert Murdoch.

Katrina Vanden Heuvel
Rich heiress bought The Nation and made herself Editor.

Keith Gessen
Lit-establishment Cronyista writer for New Yorker, Vanity Fair, New York Times,

Rick Moody
Prize-manipulating scion of wealth.

Tom Beller
Once wrestled a camera away from a female ULA member one-third his size.

Jennifer Egan
Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist embracing the 99% from her gentrified Brooklyn kitchen.

Jonathan Lethem
MacArthur Genius designee wants Oppressed status for the postmodern establishment.

Lizzie Skurnick
Yale grad.

Oppressed Writers Incorporated hold their opening meeting at the swanky Russian Tea Room in Manhattan.

Ms. Prose steps to the microphone to make the opening speech, but has trouble talking with the flow of tears in her eyes. Swanky waiters bustle between swanky tables taking orders.

"This is all so wonderful . . . all you wonderful Oppressed Writers . . . I, I feel so wonderful at this wonderful community of the common people . . . I, I. . . ."

Prose begins bawling uncontrollably, her elegantly manicured hands clutching a silk handkerchief. Daniel Handler in dapper tux and top hat leads her away while Oppressed Writers in the room munch on canapes and sip quite loudly-- "Snort! Snort!"-- from expensive glasses of wine.

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