Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Piggy Progressives: The NATION Cruise

"Four legs good, two legs better!"

Investigating the Third World!

Buying souvenirs!

Showing their concern!

Shades of Animal Farm! Yes, fans, it's almost time for the annual cruise of rich progressives and their supporters-- I mean, of progressives and their rich supporters as they travel by luxury liner December 5-12 to the Bahamas. Get on board! Fight for Equality and Justice! Watch billionairess Katrina vanden Heuvel and her cast of "Lefty" stars as they listen to steel drum bands and mingle with the smiling locals. They might look like visiting rich white imperialists, but they're not. (Just don't check their stock portfolios.)

"Sample the Dutch treats of Philipsburg . . . shop for Parisien perfumes," the web site reads. Cane Garden Bay . . . Tortola . . . St. Maarten-- and Half Moon Cay, "Holland America's own private island . . . a truly secluded tropical island."

It sounds as if the political radicals at the NATION will be acting like piggy capitalists for a week. Aren't cruises gluttonous affairs? No matter! The NATION Politburo members deserve it for their hard work serving the underprivileged. They have their own private island to use. What's next? Private shops? Between the feasty meals ("snort, snort") there may be dollops of important conversation ("chew, chew, snort, snort") in which the aristocrats, I mean, progressives, discuss the fate of the impoverished masses while washing down ("glub, glub") the enormous quantities of food they're devouring. Call it: sacrificing for the good of the people they care so much about.

A billion people live on less than a dollar a day. The NATION staff are chosen from the most privileged classes of the richest civilization on the planet. The world's aristocracy. Why begrudge them a little relaxation? A few well-stocked buffet tables? Lounging around a private beach? Just a few piggies rolling in the mud, that's all. (Other animals observing the spectacle look from the pigs to the Capitalists and the Capitalists to the pigs, and can't tell the difference.)

"All Animals Are Equal, But Some Are More Equal than Others."


Anonymous said...

I don't know if you saw, but is back. I'm gonna try to write a column for Dennis in November. I'll try to think up some unrelated Monday Report for the ULA.

-Jackie Corley

Adam Hardin said...

This is a parody:


American Public Doesn't want to Read Great Literature Says Very Bad Writer

New York, New York(AP)-Alex Kingman, a graduate of Brown University and Columbia's MFA program, said recently due to poor sales of his work entitled "Leaves in the Rain," that the "American Public no longer cares to read great writing, but instead wants to fill its head with pop culture garbage from film and TV."

Mr. Kingman's book was given rave reviews by Rick Moody who called it "An Expressionistic work of Meta-fiction that delves into the psyche of the Modern American Writer. This is the greatest debut I have ever read."

Many other critics however have called Mr. Kingman's work, "abominably boring," "Stupid and sloppy," "reaching beyond the boundaries of Pretension," and "obviously the work of a graduate student who read too much literary theory and not enough fiction."

When asked about the negative reviews, Mr. Kingman replied, "The American Public just doesn't want to read great Literature anymore like "Hamlet" and works by Homer and my Leaves in the Rain, a Meta-Meta-Fictional portrayal of a Hamlet and Achilles rolled into one in the throes of a psychological battle in an MFA program. The American Public is so fucking stupid."