Tuesday, June 21, 2005

ULA Show Diary

The Show: 25 days and counting.

Writer/performer Crazy Carl Robinson was in a car accident last week. He was rear-ended on his way to go fishing; smashed into two trees, the car totaled. Carl has a concussion, cracked rib, stitches in head and tongue, and both his legs are purple. Yet he says he still intends to make the reading. (We may have to send the ULA limo down south to pick him up.)

We've had much trouble finding someone to square off against "The Masked Professor" for the scheduled three-round Read-Off at the event. Many writers declined to be bombarded by the Mad One's unspeakable arrogance and sneering pontifications. (I first encountered the Professor at the 2003 Chicago benefit event for Cullen Carter at which the ULA participated.)

Strangely enough, though, I now may have found a candidate from the Midwest someplace eager to take the Prof on-- a young writer known only as "The Student." When I asked for his qualifications, he told me that at college he has an A+ average! (I fear we may be dealing in mere cannon fodder. In the background I can hear the Masked Professor laughing.)


Tao Lin said...

what the fuck is this post talking about

Jeff Potter said...

Black'n'blue---that Carl is a colorful character all right! He'll be fine. Stitches will just add to the effect. Go Carl! --JP

King Wenclas said...

Yeah, I didn't realize how bad his injuries sound set off by themselves. In his e-mail to me, Carl's tale of the accident and the result was embedded in many sentences of his usual joking. He's handling things amazingly well-- and if he makes the show it will be an amazing feat. (We'll understand if he can't. The ULA limo is in, er, the repair shop right now. maybe we can borrow one from Hiram F.)
Is Carl merely laughing off adversity in Hemingway literary fashion? Or is he really crazy?
Meanwhile, I'm sure he'd appreciate any get well cards and e-mails. (Contact info should be at the ULA's www.literaryrevolution.com site.)

Beowulf-Poet said...

Dear rodb-

I believe the post, after relaying the bad news of an unfortunate automobile scrape involving one of the members of the ula, is about the difficulties the ula is having in finding anyone to "square off" in a "read-off" against "The Mad Professor." This difficulty the poster seems to ascribe to potential challengers' fears of the MP's "arrogance" and "sneering pontifications", but I would humbly submit that it is more likely indifference to the event, ignorance of the event, or a reasonable desire not to waste one's time, that is the real reason that the ula is having a hard time filling the challenger's card.

As to what a "read off" is, I suspect it is something like "jerking off" except that it involves real jerks.

Sincere wishes for a speedy recovery to Carl.


King Wenclas said...

BP, you sound like one of those yourself seriously intimidated by the Masked One!

Beowulf-Poet said...

It's true. I can't read. I come from a pre-literate culture. But I can improvise alliterative, assonant, epic verses with such astonishing assurance that the Masked One will cover whatever skin on his face is yet exposed with a brown paper bag, it (the skin, that is) will be so red with shame.

Tao Lin said...

someone summarize beowulf's summary for me, please

Beowulf-Poet said...

To summarize:

Behold: Crazy Carl's car crushed,
rear-rammed, road ripped, still his
smashed skull, lascerated lip, torn tongue
to The Show shall go

Whereat the Mad Professor,
Cowled companion of King and Company,
Cullen Carter coreligionist,
Can't competition concoct, or Can he?

For Lo, from the heartland a challenger comes,
Sterling Student, getter of great grades,
Can he match the masquerading maestro?
Or stand slain, sicced upon by sniggering psycho sycophants.

- Leopold said...

Not bad, BP. Not bad at all. Too bad you use your work for evil, and not for good. As Mark Twain said, the man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

Also, you summarized what Karl said, not your own post, which I believe is what depressie-B was looking for. Karl's post does make a better poem, I will admit. But then...that's saying something, isn't it?

D said...

No, that's not saying anything.

King Wenclas said...

But will Beowulf-Poet be stopping by our July 16th Philadelphia reading??

Beowulf-Poet said...

Dear King,

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia.

So I tried to book a room, but all the Motel 6's were full that weekend. Maybe next year.


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